A sweeping three-generation study of Chinese families has uncovered a striking continuity: even amid swift societal transformation, time-honored values still strongly influence how intimacy, sexual norms, and romantic decisions unfold in China. This enduring cultural backdrop often places young women in a difficult position, torn between contrasting expectations.
Led by Liu Jieyu, Professor of Sociology and China Studies at SOAS, University of London, the research highlights an ongoing “virginity paradox” in contemporary courtship. Many young Chinese men today adopt liberal, Western-style views on dating and readily encourage sexual activity during relationships, yet when it comes to marriage, they overwhelmingly favor brides who are virgins. Compounding this tension is the deep disapproval of premarital sex held by older generations, forcing numerous women into a fraught emotional bind.
In Liu’s recently released book, Embedded Generations: Family Life and Social Change in Contemporary China, she identifies the decision of whether to engage in sex before marriage as a pivotal emotional struggle for women born in the 1980s. These women frequently faced persuasive pressure from male partners alongside their own wariness. Although male respondents initially insisted they respected mutual consent, probing questions exposed a gap between claim and practice; some even confessed their earliest sexual experiences had been “coercive.”
Over three years, Liu’s team carried out extensive interviews in rural areas of Shandong, Hunan, and Fujian, as well as in major cities such as Tianjin, Guangzhou, and Xi’an. Their work traces shifts in family life, courtship, marriage, sexuality, closeness, and aging across cohorts born from the 1930s through the 2000s.
Although premarital sex grew more prevalent after the late 1990s, the average number of sexual partners has remained relatively stable. Most participants reported marrying their first sexual partner, indicating that premarital intercourse is still largely seen as a step toward matrimony rather than a sign of broader sexual liberation.
Gender disparities within relationships appear to be widening. Certain men exploit conservative virginity ideals to secure desired partners, aware that women may feel compelled to wed the person with whom they first had sex. Interviews reveal that many women experience premarital sex as emotionally taxing, though a minority—mainly urban, highly educated, and globally oriented individuals—feel more empowered to choose independently.
The study also documents a notable increase in extramarital affairs. Drawing on prior data, the book reports that male infidelity rose from 16.5% in 2006 to 35% in 2020, with female rates climbing substantially as well. Factors include more permissive social attitudes, internal migration, expansion of the commercial sex sector, and idealized depictions of romance in media. Traditional constraints also contribute: young people are often discouraged from dating early and urged to marry by thirty, leading many to wed partners they do not truly love—setting the stage for later infidelity.
Nevertheless, the majority of those surveyed strive to preserve their marriages, motivated by concern for their children or a sense of filial responsibility. Divorce is becoming more common, especially among younger women, yet older women tend to hesitate because of fears of social stigma and challenges in finding a new spouse.
